Ok, it's official I am 47 and proud of it! For all my high school friends...... we rock at 47! Of course somethings have changed since we were 18. Things are falling out, down and over our belts. We have traded in a blueberry muffin for a muffin top tummy and peaches and cream skin for botox injections and night creams. Menopause is the reason we are sweating in bed these days. Hot flashes make you want to run out into the snow for 2 minutes and then get your butt back in the house before you catch a cold. We use to be able to diet briefly to drop a couple of pounds, now dieting is a continuous process with very little change on the scale. We either need to change your dieting habits or learn to love your body. I have to admit, I have gotten more "it is what it is" lately about my body image. Don't get me wrong, I haven't given up on trying to change it. I am just not so obsessed with living every moment thinking about the bumps and bulges. For those who know me well, they are aware of my passion for cooking. I am a self taught chef according to some. I love to cook and of course to sample my creations.
I studied wine for a year at University of Houston. Now, that was a great curriculum. Two nights a week I would come to this class. We would test anywhere from 10-15 different wines from different regions around the world. To answer the burning question.......no I didn't get drunk. We were required to spit most of it out. Believe it or not it was a very challenging coarse study. The test were grueling. 100 questions regarding history, processing, etc..... then 3 blind tasting having to identify several traits of the wine. Some individuals have natural palate for tasting and other really need to develop it. Chris and I enjoy together the love for wine! We try not to appreciate it too often.
The love of cooking and wine can lead down a heavy road if your not careful. As you all know, as we have gotten older eating and drinking what we did in our twenties does work anymore. Indigestion, waking up in the middle of the night with heartburn and retaining so much water that you wonder if you will ever be able to get your rings off again. So what do we do to help the situation? Workout! Get to the gym as often as possible. Working out in the morning seems to be the best bet. Not because it is the best time for your body, but because it gives you less time to talk yourself out of going. I need to go to the bank, grocery store and paint the kids room.......whatever works. I remember making the bed the other day just before going to the gym. No one was home and it was about 9am. I was dressed for the gym and in my mind thinking of every good reason not to go. I finally said out loud, "JUST DO IT ALREADY"! I finished and went to the gym. I get bored easily while at the gym. I play music to occupy my time on the bike. I cover up the time display so it passes by faster. The other day while riding the bike I noticed that my upper arms were talking back to me. I looked down at them and thought , you have got to be kidding me. Needless to say I finished my workout with tricep and bicep machines. I laugh at this because back in the day I use to get so upset by any sign of aging. Now........... it is what it is! I have control of some of it and the other stuff is called aging with grace and a sense of humor.
Talk to you later
Take care
My Father
Love you Dad!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Check up Day
Happy Tuesday everyone! I just wanted to update you on my recent visit to the oncologist. As I had mentioned before, MDAnderson Cancer Center is like a city. Every floor is a different type of cancer. You see every conceivable type of individual. While waiting for my appointment, I saw an elderly man who was missing his nose. Just a flat bandage over the site of where it use to be. I couldn't help but say a prayer for him at that moment and thank God for my many blessings.
My floor is number seven, "lucky #7"! That is the gastrointestinal floor. My appointment started today with a mad rush just to get there. I had worked today and met Chris at MDA. Chris comes to all my oncology appointments. I got there and they called me into the vitals room. This is where they WEIGH you. Ok, as usual I weighed myself this morning. Of course you gain weight as you progress through your day. Two and a half pounds! I would completely strip on those scales if they would let me! Luckily, Chris was still in the waiting area. We then went into one of the exam rooms. Very small! Exam table , chairs and a computer. They let the patients go on the internet because you guessed it, the wait can be long. My doctor is usually prompt. During my wait my husband tries to occupy my thoughts. We played a game on my IPad. During this time, I am in silent prayer almost continuously.
A knock at the door means the doctor is here. Actually, he is quite nice. "So how are you doing Mrs. Sullivan?" I can hardly think of anything except THE RESULTS!. I sit there and wring my hands. I tell him I am fine. "All your test results are normal". I grab Chris's knee with relief. I silently thank God for another blessing. I relax and can think again. He examines me and we discuss what plans he has for me for the future. In three months they will do a CT, MRI and draw additional blood. At that time he will consider moving my exams to yearly. Yearly! Around two years ago he was looking into my husband's eyes and saying I am sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how this makes me feel. I have fought long and hard for this day and many to come. I thank God for the early Birthday present.
We say our goodbyes to my doctor. We walk out pass the waiting room filled with many patients and visitors. Some in wheelchairs too weak to walk and some with their hair growing back knowing that those treatments are finally over. They are in all different stages of cancer survival. Then there is the woman with her husband walking out the door hand in hand. She looks like she works there but in all actuality she is a patient who five years ago was told she had cancer and now is cancer-free! Love to all.
Take care
My floor is number seven, "lucky #7"! That is the gastrointestinal floor. My appointment started today with a mad rush just to get there. I had worked today and met Chris at MDA. Chris comes to all my oncology appointments. I got there and they called me into the vitals room. This is where they WEIGH you. Ok, as usual I weighed myself this morning. Of course you gain weight as you progress through your day. Two and a half pounds! I would completely strip on those scales if they would let me! Luckily, Chris was still in the waiting area. We then went into one of the exam rooms. Very small! Exam table , chairs and a computer. They let the patients go on the internet because you guessed it, the wait can be long. My doctor is usually prompt. During my wait my husband tries to occupy my thoughts. We played a game on my IPad. During this time, I am in silent prayer almost continuously.
A knock at the door means the doctor is here. Actually, he is quite nice. "So how are you doing Mrs. Sullivan?" I can hardly think of anything except THE RESULTS!. I sit there and wring my hands. I tell him I am fine. "All your test results are normal". I grab Chris's knee with relief. I silently thank God for another blessing. I relax and can think again. He examines me and we discuss what plans he has for me for the future. In three months they will do a CT, MRI and draw additional blood. At that time he will consider moving my exams to yearly. Yearly! Around two years ago he was looking into my husband's eyes and saying I am sorry. I can't even begin to tell you how this makes me feel. I have fought long and hard for this day and many to come. I thank God for the early Birthday present.
We say our goodbyes to my doctor. We walk out pass the waiting room filled with many patients and visitors. Some in wheelchairs too weak to walk and some with their hair growing back knowing that those treatments are finally over. They are in all different stages of cancer survival. Then there is the woman with her husband walking out the door hand in hand. She looks like she works there but in all actuality she is a patient who five years ago was told she had cancer and now is cancer-free! Love to all.
Take care
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Celebration!
Celebration is way under rated. We just don't celebrate as much as we should. I for one am going to change that starting today! First, I want to celebrate the fact that I graduated yesterday from physical therapy. Yep, thats right, I have a certificate to prove it. You know how we put the children's grades on the refrigerator? Well, in our house it is our medical tribulations. I took down the great colonoscopy report and put up my certificate:) My physical therapist indicated that I am stronger and can continue on at the gym or at home. Another thing that we should all celebrate is the fact that there is now a drink called the "skinny margarita"! I went to a great Mexican restaurant over the weekend. They have great frozen margaritas! While my husband and I were taking the last sips of the drink, the waiter ask if we wanted to try another. We hesitated just briefly and the waiter mentioned that we also had the skinny margarita. Being very skeptical, we decided to try it. I am here to say it was just like the first one. Lets all put our hands together for the woman that came up with that! I forgot to ask what the calorie difference was? Does anyone out there happen to know?
One of the reasons I chose to write about celebrating is because I will turn 47 next Wednesday. My husband ask, "what would you like for your birthday"? It is always the same answer. Good health, cancer-free and to figure out how in the world my yorkie can eat and sleep all day and still only weigh 6 pounds! Taylor, what is your secret? She is 12 years old and looks like a puppy. Anyway, I digress.
I would like to celebrate before my birthday. I have my blood drawn tomorrow and will meet with the oncologist next Tuesday for my results. It is always a difficult time for me as that day gets closer. You start to think about the what ifs. I pray a lot more than I usually do. I also try to occupy my time so I don't think too much about it. On Tuesday I would like to celebrate.
So everyone, lets raise our skinny margaritas and celebrate the big and little things in life. While we are at it, can a get a few more prayers for Tuesday's results. Thanks and take care.
One of the reasons I chose to write about celebrating is because I will turn 47 next Wednesday. My husband ask, "what would you like for your birthday"? It is always the same answer. Good health, cancer-free and to figure out how in the world my yorkie can eat and sleep all day and still only weigh 6 pounds! Taylor, what is your secret? She is 12 years old and looks like a puppy. Anyway, I digress.
I would like to celebrate before my birthday. I have my blood drawn tomorrow and will meet with the oncologist next Tuesday for my results. It is always a difficult time for me as that day gets closer. You start to think about the what ifs. I pray a lot more than I usually do. I also try to occupy my time so I don't think too much about it. On Tuesday I would like to celebrate.
So everyone, lets raise our skinny margaritas and celebrate the big and little things in life. While we are at it, can a get a few more prayers for Tuesday's results. Thanks and take care.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Bikini Season is Coming
The holidays are over. The decorations are down and the weather is getting colder. It does get cold here, just not like those northern states. I sit here with the fireplace on in my pajama pants and a old t-shirt. It is one of those days that three good movies and a blanket could cure. You know those days, you crave carbs and warmth. Needless to say, I probably won't get a lot done today.
Ok, let get real, I'm going to talk about rehabilitation and weight today. Now that I know what problem I have with my legs, I am determined to do something about it! I go to physical therapy twice a week. Christa is my therapist. I bring her skinny lattes and she doesn't yell at me! Just kidding, she would never yell. I am a pretty compliant patient. She has me putting on leg weights and marching around the room. A person cannot take themselves seriously when walking past a mirror in sweats in a full march. I believe that the P.T. is helping. My walking is stronger but I still have just as much difficulty walking up stairs.
Besides P.T. I workout at least 4 times a week. I use to workout with a trainer about a year ago. I ran into her two days ago and she did not recognize me at first. I now have long hair. She says to me, "OMG you look great. You look so toned." I looked at her and thought, OMG you need glasses Honey! I told her about the recent medical developments. She offered to help me once more. She has a rehab background so she will be a great asset! My goal is to get stronger and lose this weight. How much you wonder? There is only a few people that no that. They are my doctor and nurse. Every time I walk into the office I have to be weighed. Give me a break, can't I just tell you what it said on the scale this morning (minus 5#). I especially love it when Chris is in the room and they already got my weight which he has no idea what it is. They are thumbing through my chart and say, "How much do you weight?" For God sake man can you not read? If looks could kill there would be a number of employees missing from MDA! I have no choice to say it and Chris pretends to not be paying attention. Yeah right!
I love watching the biggest loser! I always thought that body bug that they wear on their arm was cool. I bought one about three months ago. It monitors the calories that you burn daily. Their is a computer program that you put your daily intake in. At the end of the day you can find out how many calories in versus calories burned. I was diligent about putting everything down. I probably burned about 1000 calories more then I took in. 3500 cal in a week burned would be a pound lost. 7000 , two pounds, great! End of the week I had burned 7000 calories and either stayed the same or gained a pound! Ok, something is wrong with this bug. I tried it for three months and it now sits in the top drawer of my bathroom.
I eat pretty well. Breakfast is either vegs with egg whites or fruit with fiber one. Yes, like an old lady! Lunch is similar. Salad with protein or Subway's vegetable sub with vinegar only. All is well until 2 or 3 pm hits. Kids aren't home yet. All the errands are done. The pantry starts to call my name. The chocolate and nuts are stored in this evil place! Now, I will stay away by eating something healthy (fruit or yogurt). As soon as I do that it makes me want more. This is definitely a problem time. I decided that I would try to workout at 4pm after picking up the kids. I did it a couple of times and came home hungrier then when I left. Dinner is easy because I am full by the time this comes:{ I think I need to make a list of things to do between 2 and 6pm. Does anyone need their house painted? Nighttime eating is not an issue. We have dinner at 7pm and in bed around 9-10.
I think I need a workout buddy that doesn't make me get up at 5am. (no offense Honey!) I also need to fill my time more efficiently. Until then, which will hopefully be by tomorrow I will keep my head up and my cravings down. Take care.
Ok, let get real, I'm going to talk about rehabilitation and weight today. Now that I know what problem I have with my legs, I am determined to do something about it! I go to physical therapy twice a week. Christa is my therapist. I bring her skinny lattes and she doesn't yell at me! Just kidding, she would never yell. I am a pretty compliant patient. She has me putting on leg weights and marching around the room. A person cannot take themselves seriously when walking past a mirror in sweats in a full march. I believe that the P.T. is helping. My walking is stronger but I still have just as much difficulty walking up stairs.
Besides P.T. I workout at least 4 times a week. I use to workout with a trainer about a year ago. I ran into her two days ago and she did not recognize me at first. I now have long hair. She says to me, "OMG you look great. You look so toned." I looked at her and thought, OMG you need glasses Honey! I told her about the recent medical developments. She offered to help me once more. She has a rehab background so she will be a great asset! My goal is to get stronger and lose this weight. How much you wonder? There is only a few people that no that. They are my doctor and nurse. Every time I walk into the office I have to be weighed. Give me a break, can't I just tell you what it said on the scale this morning (minus 5#). I especially love it when Chris is in the room and they already got my weight which he has no idea what it is. They are thumbing through my chart and say, "How much do you weight?" For God sake man can you not read? If looks could kill there would be a number of employees missing from MDA! I have no choice to say it and Chris pretends to not be paying attention. Yeah right!
I love watching the biggest loser! I always thought that body bug that they wear on their arm was cool. I bought one about three months ago. It monitors the calories that you burn daily. Their is a computer program that you put your daily intake in. At the end of the day you can find out how many calories in versus calories burned. I was diligent about putting everything down. I probably burned about 1000 calories more then I took in. 3500 cal in a week burned would be a pound lost. 7000 , two pounds, great! End of the week I had burned 7000 calories and either stayed the same or gained a pound! Ok, something is wrong with this bug. I tried it for three months and it now sits in the top drawer of my bathroom.
I eat pretty well. Breakfast is either vegs with egg whites or fruit with fiber one. Yes, like an old lady! Lunch is similar. Salad with protein or Subway's vegetable sub with vinegar only. All is well until 2 or 3 pm hits. Kids aren't home yet. All the errands are done. The pantry starts to call my name. The chocolate and nuts are stored in this evil place! Now, I will stay away by eating something healthy (fruit or yogurt). As soon as I do that it makes me want more. This is definitely a problem time. I decided that I would try to workout at 4pm after picking up the kids. I did it a couple of times and came home hungrier then when I left. Dinner is easy because I am full by the time this comes:{ I think I need to make a list of things to do between 2 and 6pm. Does anyone need their house painted? Nighttime eating is not an issue. We have dinner at 7pm and in bed around 9-10.
I think I need a workout buddy that doesn't make me get up at 5am. (no offense Honey!) I also need to fill my time more efficiently. Until then, which will hopefully be by tomorrow I will keep my head up and my cravings down. Take care.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Courage and Strength
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." -Edward Vernon Rickenbacker-
During my time rehabilitating from my kidney, my cousin was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was just a couple years older then I am now. I will call him M. The kindest person you would ever want to meet. An amazing family with a lot of brothers and sisters to boot. I couldn't help to put myself in his shoes because his cancer was advanced. I sometime would get reports on his condition and just be numb by everything he and his family was experiencing. In January of 2009 M loss the battle he fought so well. I pray every night for his families strength and courage to move forward. I am told often, "I could never do what you did." I didn't ever believe in a million years before this diagnosis that I would ever be tested to this extent. I do truly believe that I am so much stronger today then ever. Physical strength not so much, we will get into that soon. Emotional strength is what I mean. I look at things from a different perspective. I see Gods hand in so many things that I use to ignore 6 years ago. I give people who are rude and cut me off on the road a pass. I think to myself what is going on in their life that troubles them. I can't tell you how many times I had terror running through my mind and still had to go on doing my daily activities. I am sure I probably cut a few people off on the road as well. In fact I think I recall seeing a few fingers in the last 6 years in my rear view mirror:)
Now that the prep talk is over lets talk about MDA. Wow, that is quite a place! I cannot say more wonderful things about it. I love my doctors and nurses. My doctor still freaks me out a little. I see him every 3 months. All clear so far! I walk into MDA and I am humbled immediately. Teenagers with their jeans hanging down on their backside like on the streets. The only thing different is they have no hair and they are wearing a mask. A young couple in their 20s walking down the hall hand in hand. The PICC line hanging out of his shirt sleeve. Some are here and new to the system and some are there to follow up after several years of being cancer free. Either way, they are all survivors on that day! God bless you MDA for doing what you do so well!
My husband and I wanted to start the New Year of 2010 out being healthy and strong. We already had gym memberships, but had decided to go at 5am every morning before work. I was having difficulty after the surgery with climbing stairs and needed to build my muscles. I would do the treadmill and precor. I will tell you that I do not like working out at 5am. Sorry Honey! Once in a while I could convince him he wanted to stay in that bed. I tried to workout 5 days a week. I could always tell how I was doing with strength by walking up the stairs at the gym. The strange thing about my strength was I was getting weaker instead of stronger? Now, I don't know about you but, I am a nurse and cancer survivor, I know my body really well. From aches and pains to lumps and bumps. I think I might be a little more lumpy these days:( I said to Chris, "I know my body and I can tell you something is wrong." I have no pain, it was like by legs won't work. I found it hard to climb stairs and get off a chair without pushing on the arms. To squat down to pick something up, forget it! I could squat but had to push up on the ground to bring my legs back up. I called the doctor and told him I needed a neuro consult. I first thing I thought of course was a spinal mass. Here we go again! I had an appointment this past summer with neuro. They did a MRI of the spine, normal. Spinal tap, normal. Blood, normal. EMG, showed irritation in a nerve root. It was the one that controls the upper legs. They were baffled. There was no cancer, thank God. They blamed it on the Lupus. I thought that was strange and so did my lupus doctor. They kept pointing fingers at each other. Its cancer related, its lupus related. People can we all get on the same page please!
Luckily, my lupus doctor gave me physical therapy twice a week. During this time, I noticed the strength issue was more right sided. I was working the legs but not seeing any improvement. My lupus doctor finally sent me to a specialist. He also was puzzled. That guy sent me to a neuromuscular doctor from Baylor. I walked into his office. He asked me to only answer the questions, give no other information. Yes, the Dr. House of Neuro! Within ten minutes he had my diagnosis. Are you ready for this one? Radiation induced lumbarsacral plexopathy. 5 years ago I had radiation to my pelvic region due to colon cancer. It changed my DNA in my neurons in that area. I have lost that nerve conduction in that area. So my legs muscles are fine but the nerve isn't telling them to get your butt up those stairs. Finally, someone knows what is wrong! Ok, lets say this is it. What do we do now? What is the treatment? "There is no treatment and no cure" It will not get any better, it will continue to get worse, but at some point it will plateau and stop progressing. " You have got to be kidding me! Un ________believeable. I looked it up on the internet and their I was in all its glory. So, as I said before, I guess I will never run a marathon. Now, you are probably having a visual of me dragging my leg or limping around. No, I look completely normal, just don't ask me to climb those darn stairs. I can climb the stairs but it takes me a while to get up there. Our home is two stories. Thank God for Maria my housekeeper. I tell the kids, "clean your room, I will be up there is ten minutes to check". Oh right!!!! I send Chris up there instead:)
I am still wrapping my head around this one. I go to P.T. twice a week and feel like I am slightly stronger. I hope that I have plateaued.
I write this blog not to get pity for my challenges. I write to say that no matter what I have been through I will always be thankful that I am here to write to you. God obviously has a plan for me. Being a mother, wife, patient advocate or a blogger that can inspire others when days are not so good. I am not sure what his plan is, all I know is that I have gone against the odds and come out the other end with a stronger since of myself and those around me. I am blessed and oh so thankful! Take care!!
During my time rehabilitating from my kidney, my cousin was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was just a couple years older then I am now. I will call him M. The kindest person you would ever want to meet. An amazing family with a lot of brothers and sisters to boot. I couldn't help to put myself in his shoes because his cancer was advanced. I sometime would get reports on his condition and just be numb by everything he and his family was experiencing. In January of 2009 M loss the battle he fought so well. I pray every night for his families strength and courage to move forward. I am told often, "I could never do what you did." I didn't ever believe in a million years before this diagnosis that I would ever be tested to this extent. I do truly believe that I am so much stronger today then ever. Physical strength not so much, we will get into that soon. Emotional strength is what I mean. I look at things from a different perspective. I see Gods hand in so many things that I use to ignore 6 years ago. I give people who are rude and cut me off on the road a pass. I think to myself what is going on in their life that troubles them. I can't tell you how many times I had terror running through my mind and still had to go on doing my daily activities. I am sure I probably cut a few people off on the road as well. In fact I think I recall seeing a few fingers in the last 6 years in my rear view mirror:)
Now that the prep talk is over lets talk about MDA. Wow, that is quite a place! I cannot say more wonderful things about it. I love my doctors and nurses. My doctor still freaks me out a little. I see him every 3 months. All clear so far! I walk into MDA and I am humbled immediately. Teenagers with their jeans hanging down on their backside like on the streets. The only thing different is they have no hair and they are wearing a mask. A young couple in their 20s walking down the hall hand in hand. The PICC line hanging out of his shirt sleeve. Some are here and new to the system and some are there to follow up after several years of being cancer free. Either way, they are all survivors on that day! God bless you MDA for doing what you do so well!
My husband and I wanted to start the New Year of 2010 out being healthy and strong. We already had gym memberships, but had decided to go at 5am every morning before work. I was having difficulty after the surgery with climbing stairs and needed to build my muscles. I would do the treadmill and precor. I will tell you that I do not like working out at 5am. Sorry Honey! Once in a while I could convince him he wanted to stay in that bed. I tried to workout 5 days a week. I could always tell how I was doing with strength by walking up the stairs at the gym. The strange thing about my strength was I was getting weaker instead of stronger? Now, I don't know about you but, I am a nurse and cancer survivor, I know my body really well. From aches and pains to lumps and bumps. I think I might be a little more lumpy these days:( I said to Chris, "I know my body and I can tell you something is wrong." I have no pain, it was like by legs won't work. I found it hard to climb stairs and get off a chair without pushing on the arms. To squat down to pick something up, forget it! I could squat but had to push up on the ground to bring my legs back up. I called the doctor and told him I needed a neuro consult. I first thing I thought of course was a spinal mass. Here we go again! I had an appointment this past summer with neuro. They did a MRI of the spine, normal. Spinal tap, normal. Blood, normal. EMG, showed irritation in a nerve root. It was the one that controls the upper legs. They were baffled. There was no cancer, thank God. They blamed it on the Lupus. I thought that was strange and so did my lupus doctor. They kept pointing fingers at each other. Its cancer related, its lupus related. People can we all get on the same page please!
Luckily, my lupus doctor gave me physical therapy twice a week. During this time, I noticed the strength issue was more right sided. I was working the legs but not seeing any improvement. My lupus doctor finally sent me to a specialist. He also was puzzled. That guy sent me to a neuromuscular doctor from Baylor. I walked into his office. He asked me to only answer the questions, give no other information. Yes, the Dr. House of Neuro! Within ten minutes he had my diagnosis. Are you ready for this one? Radiation induced lumbarsacral plexopathy. 5 years ago I had radiation to my pelvic region due to colon cancer. It changed my DNA in my neurons in that area. I have lost that nerve conduction in that area. So my legs muscles are fine but the nerve isn't telling them to get your butt up those stairs. Finally, someone knows what is wrong! Ok, lets say this is it. What do we do now? What is the treatment? "There is no treatment and no cure" It will not get any better, it will continue to get worse, but at some point it will plateau and stop progressing. " You have got to be kidding me! Un ________believeable. I looked it up on the internet and their I was in all its glory. So, as I said before, I guess I will never run a marathon. Now, you are probably having a visual of me dragging my leg or limping around. No, I look completely normal, just don't ask me to climb those darn stairs. I can climb the stairs but it takes me a while to get up there. Our home is two stories. Thank God for Maria my housekeeper. I tell the kids, "clean your room, I will be up there is ten minutes to check". Oh right!!!! I send Chris up there instead:)
I am still wrapping my head around this one. I go to P.T. twice a week and feel like I am slightly stronger. I hope that I have plateaued.
I write this blog not to get pity for my challenges. I write to say that no matter what I have been through I will always be thankful that I am here to write to you. God obviously has a plan for me. Being a mother, wife, patient advocate or a blogger that can inspire others when days are not so good. I am not sure what his plan is, all I know is that I have gone against the odds and come out the other end with a stronger since of myself and those around me. I am blessed and oh so thankful! Take care!!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Hair today gone tomorrow!
Well I started to rehab after is terrible ordeal. I had not returned to work yet. I was working part-time before I got sick this last time. Now during all of my chemo treatments I had never lost my hair. I felt blessed. After all the chemo was done, Boom there it went. Day by day I would brush out large pieces of it. I was so upset. I cried a couple of times. On the day I went to see Carmen, the tears had stopped. I knew it was time. Carmen who has done my hair for years graciously helped me. Once it was done I realized it wasn't so bad. I bought a wig that I did not wear very often. I wore my baseball hat a lot. I have a wonderful friend here in Houston that has gone through cancer treatment also. She helped me deal with the loss of my hair. She is a loving and wonderful friend. Thank you D.
Well, I continue to have my follow up visits. Every three months blood. Every six months cat scans. My lupus would cause problem once in a while but nothing major. During one of my visits , my oncologist said that the radiologist had noticed a shadow on my right kidney. They felt it was probably from my lupus but would watch it. No problem I thought. During my next visit they decided to do a MRI of my kidney. I knew that is wasn't the cancer because it doesn't go to the kidney. They then decided to put it to rest and biopsy it. He called me a few days later. I do not like when he calls me. He freaks me out! He asked if I could come in right away. Here we go again. This time I was confused. I called Chris and told him to meet me at MDA. I flew there, numb once more. Is it the lupus? Do I have cancer again? Is it a different cancer? Many questions went through my mind.
I beat Chris by about 5 mins. I went into the room. The doctor came in. "Your biopsy results came back from your kidney. Your have cancer in the right kidney. A different kind. It is in its earliest stage." Ok, at this point a person starts to wonder if they are a genetic mutant! A totally different cancer! Chris walked in and I updated him on the new developments. He was just as shocked. The next feeling I had was calm. I felt so blessed that I had been watched so carefully that they caught this. The cancer was a rare form. Only 200 had this diagnosis. They finally put a name on it about four years ago. OK, what do we do now. It does not require chemo or radiation. I do need surgery though. Part of my right kidney will need to be removed. Ladies, this also is not a way to lose weight. Organs don't weigh that much? Ok, lets set a date. I would like that early surgery time again please:) In August of 2009 I had part of my right kidney removed. Cancer-free at last! The recovery was similar to the others. My hair was growth back nicely and MDA was watching me like a hawk. I did go through genetic testing. I am normal believe it or not.
During my rehab, my son moved back from Michigan to Houston. He was having trouble in Michigan with job possibilities and education desire. I was thrilled to have him come home. He took a year off from school and is returning this month.
Well, I continue to have my follow up visits. Every three months blood. Every six months cat scans. My lupus would cause problem once in a while but nothing major. During one of my visits , my oncologist said that the radiologist had noticed a shadow on my right kidney. They felt it was probably from my lupus but would watch it. No problem I thought. During my next visit they decided to do a MRI of my kidney. I knew that is wasn't the cancer because it doesn't go to the kidney. They then decided to put it to rest and biopsy it. He called me a few days later. I do not like when he calls me. He freaks me out! He asked if I could come in right away. Here we go again. This time I was confused. I called Chris and told him to meet me at MDA. I flew there, numb once more. Is it the lupus? Do I have cancer again? Is it a different cancer? Many questions went through my mind.
I beat Chris by about 5 mins. I went into the room. The doctor came in. "Your biopsy results came back from your kidney. Your have cancer in the right kidney. A different kind. It is in its earliest stage." Ok, at this point a person starts to wonder if they are a genetic mutant! A totally different cancer! Chris walked in and I updated him on the new developments. He was just as shocked. The next feeling I had was calm. I felt so blessed that I had been watched so carefully that they caught this. The cancer was a rare form. Only 200 had this diagnosis. They finally put a name on it about four years ago. OK, what do we do now. It does not require chemo or radiation. I do need surgery though. Part of my right kidney will need to be removed. Ladies, this also is not a way to lose weight. Organs don't weigh that much? Ok, lets set a date. I would like that early surgery time again please:) In August of 2009 I had part of my right kidney removed. Cancer-free at last! The recovery was similar to the others. My hair was growth back nicely and MDA was watching me like a hawk. I did go through genetic testing. I am normal believe it or not.
During my rehab, my son moved back from Michigan to Houston. He was having trouble in Michigan with job possibilities and education desire. I was thrilled to have him come home. He took a year off from school and is returning this month.
2009 Happy New Year!
So, after spending most of December recovering from surgery the New Year arrived. Chris and I were doing all your typical holiday activities with our children. Michael came in to visit for a week. His mother was in her glory. I sure did miss him! After his visit was over it was time for chemo again. The chemo would be different this time. I would be getting a drug that caused severe diarrhea and one that would give me severe acne. Do you have the visual? Yes, not pretty! I had my first treatment and it went quite well. I didn't have the symptoms that I thought I would. I got a pimple or two, this I could deal with. The next day all hell broke loose. There were pimples on top of pimples. I would walk past a mirror and not recognize the person in the mirror. And the other symptom was even worse. I found myself in bed most of the time. Bed, toliet, bed , toliet, toliet toliet , bed. Again ladies, this is not the way to lose weight. Just after my birthday , I was admitted to the hospital with a bowel obstruction. I was at St. Lukes with my original oncologist. He gave me IV fluid and put a tube down my nose. I ended up getting TPN which is nutrition through the IV and nothing by mouth. I think I was in there for a week or two. I don't remember much of that visit. They discharged me to home and my husband and mother helped me through my rough days. They decided not to give me anymore chemo. It made me way to sick. I was good for a couple of days until it hit again. Fever increased and Chris decided it was time to go to MDA. No more St. Lukes and more old oncologist. We went to MDA with me holding a trash bin the whole way there. They admitted me right away. I had developed an infection in my port-a-cath. They removed it from my chest and started antibiotics. This hospitalization lasted for about a week before I was discharged. I slept through most of it.
I vowed I would never have that chemo again. My pimples cleared up:)
I vowed I would never have that chemo again. My pimples cleared up:)
MDAnderson - Friend or Foe
So it was time to see MDA. (MDAnderson). I went through getting records;(CT, xrays, pathology reports, chemo reports, etc....) My appointment was in November of 2008. We were going there to find a good surgeon to get rid of this lymph node. I had to go through the process though. I had an appointment with a Gastroenterologist. Chris and I sat waiting patiently to see him. A small office with an exam table and a few chairs. In walks the doctor. He indicated that he had reviewed my records. He did not have them all but reviewed what he could. I remember this like it was yesterday. He looks at me and in not so many words starting telling the stats for life or should I say death. He rolls his chair up to Chris and says I am so sorry to have to tell you this. What the hell is going on I thought!!!! This is not a second opinion. I once more was numb! I sure got sane fast though. I turned around and told that doctor. "I understand you like to use stats with your patients, but please do not use them with me." "I will beat this cancer, I have the faith and know God has plans for me". He stopped using stats that day!:) I believe that when doctors use stats, patients tend to live and die by them. He quickly suggested that he obtain more labs. The CEA came down slightly. We were encouraged. He consulted a surgeon, I will call him Dr. V. He is excellent in the field of pulmonary thoracic surgery. He also was considered to be an aggressive surgeon.
Chris and I left the office that day scared to death. That doctor was crazy! OMG he laid that out on the table like it was nothing. I was not looking forward to my next appointment with Dr. V. if he was going to be anything like that one!
Not long after that, while still recovering from that mess, I had my Dr. V. appointment. Talk about night and day! As soon as he walked into the room I knew. Friendly face Wanting to make sure he got everything he would first past a scope through an incision at the base of my neck. He would look at the lymph nodes there. If anything was wrong they would not continue with the surgery. If all was ok they would do another lung surgery. This involve spreading the ribs again and removing one of them completely to gain access. More chest tubes. He would then remove the nodes and the rest of my left lower lobe of my lung. This would leave me with 80 % lung capacity. Ok, so I won't run a marathon! We gave the OK and I prepared for my surgery that December.
The day of surgery came bright and early. I love early surgery, they always go on time. Unless of course your surgeon gets a flat tire and bangs his head while changing it! He was fine. Several hours later it was done. Pain control was great! He had gone in and found that that little lymph node was involved by the tumor site. Everything else was good. He took all my lymph nodes in my chest though for good measure. This man saved my life. He calls me is "Buddy". Man you can call me whatever you want.
My parents who have been there by my side always during these times sat vigil through this to help out Christopher. The three of them are my angels. My mom, oh my mom (yes I am crying) she is the strongest woman I know. 79 and as smart as a whip. Nurse and mother of 6. You never stop worrying about your children. Hers are in their 40s and 50s and she still worries about each and everyone. She has a direct line to St. Jude, probably because she always has that rosary in her hand. I can count on her for absolutely anything I may need. My Dad is my gentle soul who always makes people laugh. He is 82 and loves to come to Houston and drive around in my car which he sometimes gets lost:) He thinks he has arrived when he gets in that thing. He drives the kids back and fourth while I nap. I could not have asked for a better set of parents. I am very blessed.
Well, you remember the crazy stats doctor from the beginning of the story? He is now my primary oncologist but he doesn't tell me any stats unless I ASK! I healed well from that surgery. So now I would have to continue to follow up with the doctor but they wanted me to have more chemo even though I was now considered cancer-free. We decided to still have the chemo at my old oncologist office though.
Next I will talk about January , but first I need to carpool again. A mothers job is never done.
Chris and I left the office that day scared to death. That doctor was crazy! OMG he laid that out on the table like it was nothing. I was not looking forward to my next appointment with Dr. V. if he was going to be anything like that one!
Not long after that, while still recovering from that mess, I had my Dr. V. appointment. Talk about night and day! As soon as he walked into the room I knew. Friendly face Wanting to make sure he got everything he would first past a scope through an incision at the base of my neck. He would look at the lymph nodes there. If anything was wrong they would not continue with the surgery. If all was ok they would do another lung surgery. This involve spreading the ribs again and removing one of them completely to gain access. More chest tubes. He would then remove the nodes and the rest of my left lower lobe of my lung. This would leave me with 80 % lung capacity. Ok, so I won't run a marathon! We gave the OK and I prepared for my surgery that December.
The day of surgery came bright and early. I love early surgery, they always go on time. Unless of course your surgeon gets a flat tire and bangs his head while changing it! He was fine. Several hours later it was done. Pain control was great! He had gone in and found that that little lymph node was involved by the tumor site. Everything else was good. He took all my lymph nodes in my chest though for good measure. This man saved my life. He calls me is "Buddy". Man you can call me whatever you want.
My parents who have been there by my side always during these times sat vigil through this to help out Christopher. The three of them are my angels. My mom, oh my mom (yes I am crying) she is the strongest woman I know. 79 and as smart as a whip. Nurse and mother of 6. You never stop worrying about your children. Hers are in their 40s and 50s and she still worries about each and everyone. She has a direct line to St. Jude, probably because she always has that rosary in her hand. I can count on her for absolutely anything I may need. My Dad is my gentle soul who always makes people laugh. He is 82 and loves to come to Houston and drive around in my car which he sometimes gets lost:) He thinks he has arrived when he gets in that thing. He drives the kids back and fourth while I nap. I could not have asked for a better set of parents. I am very blessed.
Well, you remember the crazy stats doctor from the beginning of the story? He is now my primary oncologist but he doesn't tell me any stats unless I ASK! I healed well from that surgery. So now I would have to continue to follow up with the doctor but they wanted me to have more chemo even though I was now considered cancer-free. We decided to still have the chemo at my old oncologist office though.
Next I will talk about January , but first I need to carpool again. A mothers job is never done.
Surgery
I had chemo that Monday. The doctor came in to see me. "Lets do one more treatment then lets get this thing out of you." Wow! I was so ready to get that done. I went to an appointment with a cardiac/thoracic surgeon at St. Lukes. He was probably 40ish. Something about him left me unsettled. He approached me as if I was a hopeless case. I don't think I can get it all, it is in a difficult spot. When I get scared I start to shake uncontrollably. Well I was sitting in front of the grim reaper dressed like a doctor. I left not feeling to confident in his ability but was told he was an excellent surgeon. So they are going to spread my ribs apart and cut out part of my left lower lobe of my lung and take the lymph node next to it. It is right next to the pulmonary artery. Oh great!! Tear that puppy and its all over. I would be in surgery for several hours and be in the hospital for about 5 days. All this said, I was ready to get it over with. In August, I underwent a lung resection. Boy oh boy was that something! The doctor told Chris they had gotten everything and the margins were clear. Great News! Chris asked about the lymph node. "What lymph node" He had forgotten to take the damn lymph node. This was unbelievable to all of us.
I had every line known to man in me. The day they pulled the chest tube out I thought I was done with then and there! I screamed, "OH GOD!" All I could think about was the fact that I wouldn't have to go through that again. I continued to recovery ever so slowly. I went home as planned and felt super by week two. Four weeks after surgery we went on our Honeymoon (Maui). One week soaking up the sun and relaxing. We had an amazing time!
As the months progressed I continue to do follow up visits with my oncologist. He would draw blood
(CEA level). This is a level for colon cancer. It is a tumor marker that tells if there is potential cancer growth. I received a phone call indicating that my level was elevated. My oncologist appeared to be frustrated and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. My husband convinced me to seek a second opinion at MDAnderson Cancer Center. I agreed after much convincing.
Be right back, I have to go carpool now:)
I had every line known to man in me. The day they pulled the chest tube out I thought I was done with then and there! I screamed, "OH GOD!" All I could think about was the fact that I wouldn't have to go through that again. I continued to recovery ever so slowly. I went home as planned and felt super by week two. Four weeks after surgery we went on our Honeymoon (Maui). One week soaking up the sun and relaxing. We had an amazing time!
As the months progressed I continue to do follow up visits with my oncologist. He would draw blood
(CEA level). This is a level for colon cancer. It is a tumor marker that tells if there is potential cancer growth. I received a phone call indicating that my level was elevated. My oncologist appeared to be frustrated and couldn't figure out where it was coming from. My husband convinced me to seek a second opinion at MDAnderson Cancer Center. I agreed after much convincing.
Be right back, I have to go carpool now:)
Our Wedding Day
I have to start with the fact that I have the most amazing family and friends! From the west to east coast and in between. They have prayed , sent cards and phoned with words of encouragement and love. I have never felt so loved. If you or anyone you know ever has to experience this disease, be there for them, even if in silent prayer. Knowing that when I was praying for myself and others, others were praying for me was overwhelming. My Aunt sent me a prayer blanket and a patient of mine went to Israel and brought me back holy water. I received many cards daily just to say someone was thinking and praying for me. Sometimes I could pick up the phone and thank them. I know for those I did not thank, they knew they were in my heart. Let's get married shall we?
Just a few months before the wedding Chris and I went to Newport for final arrangements. We met with the planner and saw Castle Hill for the first time. Even though it rained the whole weekend, the scenery was amazing! By the end of the weekend I had developed a high fever. We flew home and I was admitted to the hospital with a PICC line infection. For those who do not know what a PICC line is, it is an IV line that the catheter travels almost to your heart. It is on your upper arm. It helps to not damage your veins during chemo. The PICC line was taken out and I improved immediately. Shortly following I had to have a port-a-cath put in. I lays just under the skin on the left or right side of my chest. It was a vast improvement from the PICC. I also had a follow-up cat scan which showed that the mass was shrinking.:) This was encouraging news. Now I could focus on more important things.
We flew to Boston a couple days before the wedding. We spent many wonderful moments with both our families. The extended weather forecast was promising. 80 and sunny with very little humidity. My family spent a lot of time touring the famous Newport and their Mansions. My daughter determined that her husband was going to be from this part of town:) I was feeling pretty darn good. Getting stronger and surrounded by all the family. We were missing a very important person though. Christopher's Father! His death in September had left a very large hole in his heart. We knew though that he was looking down on us on this very special day. Chris would wear his father's cuff links on our wedding day. A large silver WS displayed to have him there with us.
The day of the wedding the weather from dawn to dusk was indeed perfect. The alter was at the water's edge with sailboats in the background. The archway at the alter was decorated in light clover green hydrangeas and ivory roses. It was exquisite! Hair check, make up check. Everything was set. The wedding ceremony was beautiful. I cried during my vows. We spoke of family , love and health. We knew God had a lot to do with that day. Afterwards it was time for pictures. There was a lighthouse that we wanted pictures at. In order to get there we had to walk down a mulch path through the woods to the water. Unable to drive there, we took the walk, very slowly of course. I would get short of breath and those darn heels kept going into the mulch. We got to the lighthouse without too much trouble. On our way back to the reception area we tackled the mulch path again. We talked and walked slowly. I looked down at the path and noticed something shiny about 10 feet ahead of us. We walked up to it and picked it up. WS is what it read. The cuff link had fallen off on the way to the lighthouse. My father-in-law was there that day, this I know. A sense of calm came over us. We went back to the reception and had a wonderful evening surrounded by family.
The day following my mother-in-law threw a clam bake for us. It was an amazing party! The following day we went out on her boat and traveled up to the Newport area. Another gorgeous day! Sunday came and it was time to travel home. We said goodbye to the family and left to prepare for the following day back to reality (Chemo day).
Just a few months before the wedding Chris and I went to Newport for final arrangements. We met with the planner and saw Castle Hill for the first time. Even though it rained the whole weekend, the scenery was amazing! By the end of the weekend I had developed a high fever. We flew home and I was admitted to the hospital with a PICC line infection. For those who do not know what a PICC line is, it is an IV line that the catheter travels almost to your heart. It is on your upper arm. It helps to not damage your veins during chemo. The PICC line was taken out and I improved immediately. Shortly following I had to have a port-a-cath put in. I lays just under the skin on the left or right side of my chest. It was a vast improvement from the PICC. I also had a follow-up cat scan which showed that the mass was shrinking.:) This was encouraging news. Now I could focus on more important things.
We flew to Boston a couple days before the wedding. We spent many wonderful moments with both our families. The extended weather forecast was promising. 80 and sunny with very little humidity. My family spent a lot of time touring the famous Newport and their Mansions. My daughter determined that her husband was going to be from this part of town:) I was feeling pretty darn good. Getting stronger and surrounded by all the family. We were missing a very important person though. Christopher's Father! His death in September had left a very large hole in his heart. We knew though that he was looking down on us on this very special day. Chris would wear his father's cuff links on our wedding day. A large silver WS displayed to have him there with us.
The day of the wedding the weather from dawn to dusk was indeed perfect. The alter was at the water's edge with sailboats in the background. The archway at the alter was decorated in light clover green hydrangeas and ivory roses. It was exquisite! Hair check, make up check. Everything was set. The wedding ceremony was beautiful. I cried during my vows. We spoke of family , love and health. We knew God had a lot to do with that day. Afterwards it was time for pictures. There was a lighthouse that we wanted pictures at. In order to get there we had to walk down a mulch path through the woods to the water. Unable to drive there, we took the walk, very slowly of course. I would get short of breath and those darn heels kept going into the mulch. We got to the lighthouse without too much trouble. On our way back to the reception area we tackled the mulch path again. We talked and walked slowly. I looked down at the path and noticed something shiny about 10 feet ahead of us. We walked up to it and picked it up. WS is what it read. The cuff link had fallen off on the way to the lighthouse. My father-in-law was there that day, this I know. A sense of calm came over us. We went back to the reception and had a wonderful evening surrounded by family.
The day following my mother-in-law threw a clam bake for us. It was an amazing party! The following day we went out on her boat and traveled up to the Newport area. Another gorgeous day! Sunday came and it was time to travel home. We said goodbye to the family and left to prepare for the following day back to reality (Chemo day).
Hills and Valleys of 2008
Good morning everyone! Kids are off to school and I am ready to start my day.
Our trip to NYC was amazing! We came home on Sunday and started to make plans for the future. My lease on my townhouse was almost done, so we decided to move in together. By February the move was complete. It is not easy fitting two whole households into one, we did manage though. Things were just wonderful! Kids got along great , even the two dogs decided to be friends.
During this time, the lung specialist watched the spot on my lung. Every chest xray would come back with the same size inactive spot. My Oncologist and lung doctor finally decided to get a biopsy of it. This biopsy would be by inserting and very long needle through back into the mass. It would be done under xray. I am happy to say that I did not feel a thing! I went about my business and continued to plan a wedding. Chris found the perfect spot for our July 10, 2008 wedding. Newport Beach, Rhode Island. The place was Castle Hill Inn. An amazing location! We planned on only having our families there on our special day. Our family consisted of approximately 60 people. My family all lived in Michigan, so they all agreed to make the trip. (Love you all). My colors were ivory and clover green. It was to be an Irish wedding. Both Chris and I are Irish of course. Our daughters were the Bridesmaids and our sons the Groomsmen. Everything was coming together.
Late February, I was making dinner and the phone rang. It was my lung specialist. It was later in the evening, so I knew it had to be important. "Colleen I received your biopsy results and your colon cancer has spread to your lung. I am sorry. You need to go back to your oncologist for additional treatment." I stood there in the dining room staring into space. I didn't know what to think, what to do. I kept thinking, oh my God I have lung cancer! That fear and numbness in my body returned. I didn't cry. Chris was not home from work yet. People who I had never met before stopped by the house to see Chris. I invited them in and attempted to appear interested. I excused myself and went to the bathroom and called my mother. Besides Chris, my mother is always the first phone call. I told my mother, "I have lung cancer!" She tried to assure me that I was under great care and that we would once again win this battle. I spoke to her for a short while when I heard Chris come in. He was visiting with the couple in the living room. I came out and continued to try to entertain his friends. Luckily, they were there for a very short time. He knew by looking at me that something was wrong. After they left, I took him into the bedroom and told him the news. I think he of course was in disbelief. He quickly started with the encouragements. "You are so strong and have beaten this before", " I will be here during every moment to help you through this." We held each other that night. I told my daughter who was 18 at the time. She has also been my rock through this. She cried, we cried. I tried to tell her how tough her mom is with a smile on my face. "I am not going anywhere!" I have a very strong faith in God. I believe he can get you through anything. Every night I pray to him. I am specific when I pray. Tell him exactly what you want. Don't leave it open ended, you might not like the results.
I called my son in Michigan. He was 20 at the time. He has a big heart and the only thing he had to say was, "Mom you are so strong and I know you can beat this". You know something he is damn right! I am an Irish women with 5 brothers and sisters. Four children and step children and a few marriages under my belt. I am one tough gal!
Within a couple of days I had my PICC line back in my arm and started my first chemo treatment. It was the same drugs as before. I chose to stay with my original oncologist. I was not going to MDAnderson in Houston because I liked my doctor who helped me through my last journey. I received three different drugs; Avastin to cut blood supply to the tumor site, Oxysaliplatin which is a iv chemo agent and Xyloda which is a oral chemo agent. They were big pink pills. I won't take pink pills ever again. Every three weeks times 8 was the plan. I arrived at the infusion place with my husband by my side. I can do this!!!!! As soon as the infusion was over, all the symptoms came back to reality. Can't drink anything cold because the medicine shoots pins and needles feeling down your throat. Can touch anything cold because pins and needles shoot through your hands. I sat in the car on the way home and cried. Not because I hurt, but because I couldn't believe it was happening all over again. During my first week, I would be in bed and eating maybe 300 calories a day. I would drop 8-10 pounds by the end of the week. Now believe it or not, you might find this strange, I weighed myself everyday. By week two I was feeling better but weak. Week three, watch out!!!! I was feeling great and gain all but 1 pound back. This continued for several months.
We continued to plan the wedding. Chris did a large portion of it. Again I say, I am the most blessed person around to have Chris to share my life with! We scheduled the wedding and chemo so that I would be having my great week when we had the wedding. I then would fly home to Houston and have chemo that Monday. It's all in the planning!!
I will stop here because I need to go to the gym now. I have so much more to tell you. I appreciate all of your patience. I will be blogging again in a couple of hours. Take care
Our trip to NYC was amazing! We came home on Sunday and started to make plans for the future. My lease on my townhouse was almost done, so we decided to move in together. By February the move was complete. It is not easy fitting two whole households into one, we did manage though. Things were just wonderful! Kids got along great , even the two dogs decided to be friends.
During this time, the lung specialist watched the spot on my lung. Every chest xray would come back with the same size inactive spot. My Oncologist and lung doctor finally decided to get a biopsy of it. This biopsy would be by inserting and very long needle through back into the mass. It would be done under xray. I am happy to say that I did not feel a thing! I went about my business and continued to plan a wedding. Chris found the perfect spot for our July 10, 2008 wedding. Newport Beach, Rhode Island. The place was Castle Hill Inn. An amazing location! We planned on only having our families there on our special day. Our family consisted of approximately 60 people. My family all lived in Michigan, so they all agreed to make the trip. (Love you all). My colors were ivory and clover green. It was to be an Irish wedding. Both Chris and I are Irish of course. Our daughters were the Bridesmaids and our sons the Groomsmen. Everything was coming together.
Late February, I was making dinner and the phone rang. It was my lung specialist. It was later in the evening, so I knew it had to be important. "Colleen I received your biopsy results and your colon cancer has spread to your lung. I am sorry. You need to go back to your oncologist for additional treatment." I stood there in the dining room staring into space. I didn't know what to think, what to do. I kept thinking, oh my God I have lung cancer! That fear and numbness in my body returned. I didn't cry. Chris was not home from work yet. People who I had never met before stopped by the house to see Chris. I invited them in and attempted to appear interested. I excused myself and went to the bathroom and called my mother. Besides Chris, my mother is always the first phone call. I told my mother, "I have lung cancer!" She tried to assure me that I was under great care and that we would once again win this battle. I spoke to her for a short while when I heard Chris come in. He was visiting with the couple in the living room. I came out and continued to try to entertain his friends. Luckily, they were there for a very short time. He knew by looking at me that something was wrong. After they left, I took him into the bedroom and told him the news. I think he of course was in disbelief. He quickly started with the encouragements. "You are so strong and have beaten this before", " I will be here during every moment to help you through this." We held each other that night. I told my daughter who was 18 at the time. She has also been my rock through this. She cried, we cried. I tried to tell her how tough her mom is with a smile on my face. "I am not going anywhere!" I have a very strong faith in God. I believe he can get you through anything. Every night I pray to him. I am specific when I pray. Tell him exactly what you want. Don't leave it open ended, you might not like the results.
I called my son in Michigan. He was 20 at the time. He has a big heart and the only thing he had to say was, "Mom you are so strong and I know you can beat this". You know something he is damn right! I am an Irish women with 5 brothers and sisters. Four children and step children and a few marriages under my belt. I am one tough gal!
Within a couple of days I had my PICC line back in my arm and started my first chemo treatment. It was the same drugs as before. I chose to stay with my original oncologist. I was not going to MDAnderson in Houston because I liked my doctor who helped me through my last journey. I received three different drugs; Avastin to cut blood supply to the tumor site, Oxysaliplatin which is a iv chemo agent and Xyloda which is a oral chemo agent. They were big pink pills. I won't take pink pills ever again. Every three weeks times 8 was the plan. I arrived at the infusion place with my husband by my side. I can do this!!!!! As soon as the infusion was over, all the symptoms came back to reality. Can't drink anything cold because the medicine shoots pins and needles feeling down your throat. Can touch anything cold because pins and needles shoot through your hands. I sat in the car on the way home and cried. Not because I hurt, but because I couldn't believe it was happening all over again. During my first week, I would be in bed and eating maybe 300 calories a day. I would drop 8-10 pounds by the end of the week. Now believe it or not, you might find this strange, I weighed myself everyday. By week two I was feeling better but weak. Week three, watch out!!!! I was feeling great and gain all but 1 pound back. This continued for several months.
We continued to plan the wedding. Chris did a large portion of it. Again I say, I am the most blessed person around to have Chris to share my life with! We scheduled the wedding and chemo so that I would be having my great week when we had the wedding. I then would fly home to Houston and have chemo that Monday. It's all in the planning!!
I will stop here because I need to go to the gym now. I have so much more to tell you. I appreciate all of your patience. I will be blogging again in a couple of hours. Take care
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
New York in January
Ok, where was I??
We flew to NYC on Thursday. My birthday was on Saturday. We had a lovely few days walking around NY.
Our hotel was overlooking Central Park. Everything was perfect! On Saturday, he was taking me out to dinner. We needed to be ready by 5pm for the taxi ride. I had no idea where I was going. He had planned the whole thing. At five we went down stairs. I walked through the revolving door to see a red carpet filled with rose pedals. All the New Yorkers were stopped so as not to step on the flowers. I stepped out and looked down. I followed the roses to a white horse and carriage. Before I go any further, no he doesn't have a twin. lol We walked to the carriage and of course getting in I lost one of my shoes. Smooth Colleen. He picked it up and put it on my foot. New Yorkers clapping!!!! We went for a ride through Central Park. Halfway through the ride he got down on one knee and in French, asked me to marry him. (He lived in Paris for four years). I of course said yes. We cried during the rest of the ride. We phoned all of our children who were so excited. Oh, by the way,,,,,, the ring,,,,,,AMAZING!!!!!! We went to dinner and a play that evening. This was a fairytale trip like no other!!!
Well I have to go for now. Making shrimp tacos for dinner tonight.
Talk to you soon, take care.
We flew to NYC on Thursday. My birthday was on Saturday. We had a lovely few days walking around NY.
Our hotel was overlooking Central Park. Everything was perfect! On Saturday, he was taking me out to dinner. We needed to be ready by 5pm for the taxi ride. I had no idea where I was going. He had planned the whole thing. At five we went down stairs. I walked through the revolving door to see a red carpet filled with rose pedals. All the New Yorkers were stopped so as not to step on the flowers. I stepped out and looked down. I followed the roses to a white horse and carriage. Before I go any further, no he doesn't have a twin. lol We walked to the carriage and of course getting in I lost one of my shoes. Smooth Colleen. He picked it up and put it on my foot. New Yorkers clapping!!!! We went for a ride through Central Park. Halfway through the ride he got down on one knee and in French, asked me to marry him. (He lived in Paris for four years). I of course said yes. We cried during the rest of the ride. We phoned all of our children who were so excited. Oh, by the way,,,,,, the ring,,,,,,AMAZING!!!!!! We went to dinner and a play that evening. This was a fairytale trip like no other!!!
Well I have to go for now. Making shrimp tacos for dinner tonight.
Talk to you soon, take care.
The Light in Total Darkness
Hi everyone I am back from picking up my step daughter from school. Managed to drink a latte on the way. Oh, how I love Starbucks!!
Anyway, let me continue with my story about the better half of 2007. At this time I was the Director of Nursing , so working extremely long hours. I knew very few people in Houston. My children kept me busy outside of work. I couldn't help but think about my future. Questions like crazy running through my head. Will I ever fall in love again? Will my cancer come back? And finally, did the dry cleaners shrink these jeans????? I actually considered using internet dating. I had no time to meet anyone. One night I just signed up. Pow!!! There it was in front of me. My profile for dating. I could shape it anyway I wanted to. It was kind of exciting, yet kinda scary! Match.com was the website. I dated but quickly found out that meat market was not the shopping experience I wanted. In August of 2007, I went to EHarmony. It was a Christian based site. I think it took about 3 hours to answer all the questions. Christopher joined on the very same day. It was August 19th. Now, on this website they take all the answers from questions and match them up with other individuals. I received an email from EHarmony with a picture of Christopher. Tall dark and very handsome! We were not allowed to speak to each other at first, only answer some questions that we both had developed. Within a few interactions they gave us the ability to email each other. It was like a light turned on. We had so much in common. By the third or fourth day we had a plan to go on a date that Sunday. During that week before the date ,we were joined at the phone via text and emails. I know this sounds crazy, but I felt so much, so strong, so soon!!!! I would watch the clock at work to get out of there just to speak on the phone with him. It was like I was 16 again!!!
Our date was on Sunday, August 26th. (We still celebrate that anniversary btw). He picked me up at my house. He was just as handsome as he portrayed. He gave me a gift that night. I cook book in which he wrote inside; ( Colleen, I thought of you when I saw this at Barnes and Noble. Let's try a few together, to learn about great food and wine parings and to learn about us and grow together. Chris PS: Tu est Tres Jolie.) Yes, I was blown away! Our relationship blossomed. I fell in love with that man at hello. Really!!
Now, I must say that mothers are very protective. My mother was convinced that he could be one of those crazy people on the internet. I tried to convince her that he was above board. lol. When she finally met him, it was crystal clear.
In early September Chris lost his father to lung cancer. It was a very difficult time for him. He spent time traveling back and fourth to Boston where is parents live.
We spent every waking hour together. One weekend he even took care of me when I was sick with a fever.
He gave such unconditional love. The strangest thing is I went to visit my parents in Florida shortly after and had that same fever. I did not put two and two together at that time. The fever came and went and I felt great once more! Within a couple of months from meeting each other, we had fallen in love and starting talking about the future (marriage). Two kids and each side. They got along well. It was all falling into place. I was in heaven!
I had an appointment in October with my Oncologist like I always do. I get blood drawn and sometimes get and chest xray or a cat scan depending on the time of year. I had blood drawn and chest xray and went on my marry way. I day later I receive a phone call at work. The oncologist's nurse is on the phone. " My lab work was fine but there is a small something on my left lung. It looks like an old infection site. " "We want you to see a lung specialist". My body went numb and the fear returned. The fear of the cancer returning was back! It is a fear like no other. I immediately began praying to God for everything to be fine. I hung up the phone and called Chris. I told him everything. He right away left work to head for my house. He got there before I did. I walked up the stairs and collapsed into his arms in tears. What am I going to do? I am only 43 years old. OMG, the cancer has gone to my lung! How can I survive this? He held me and calmed me. Assuring me that we knew nothing and it might be an infection. Let the prayers begin.
I met with the lung specialist and review the chest xray findings. Chris was right there by my side. In my left lower lobe of my lung was this perfect circle. Almost like I had inhaled a wedding band. The doctor thought that is was probably an old infection but would get a cat scan to confirm. The cat scan came out with the possibility of an infection with irritation of a lymph node next to it. He wanted to watch it. It had not changed in size so I went with it. I put it in the back of my mind and continue on with my life.
Christmas time was spent at my parents in Canton , Michigan. Chris had a chance to meet all the family. I have 5 brothers and sisters, so it was alot to take in. I think they fell in love with him also from hello! It was a wonderful time. I had met his family that Fall. He is from the Boston area. Our families were so much alike. Crazy, fun, loving and lots of children running around.
The new year came and we started making plans for the future. My birthday was coming up and he wanted to take me somewhere nice. It was suppose to be a surprise. The night before we left for the trip he told me that we were going back to Michigan to see my parents. He could see in my eyes that I was surprise considering we had just been there a few weeks prior. That morning we went to the airport and went to the gate. The New York City gate that is..........!!!!!! We were flying to NYC for my birthday. I was so excited!!!!!
I have to take my stepson somewhere. I will be back shortly. Take care
Anyway, let me continue with my story about the better half of 2007. At this time I was the Director of Nursing , so working extremely long hours. I knew very few people in Houston. My children kept me busy outside of work. I couldn't help but think about my future. Questions like crazy running through my head. Will I ever fall in love again? Will my cancer come back? And finally, did the dry cleaners shrink these jeans????? I actually considered using internet dating. I had no time to meet anyone. One night I just signed up. Pow!!! There it was in front of me. My profile for dating. I could shape it anyway I wanted to. It was kind of exciting, yet kinda scary! Match.com was the website. I dated but quickly found out that meat market was not the shopping experience I wanted. In August of 2007, I went to EHarmony. It was a Christian based site. I think it took about 3 hours to answer all the questions. Christopher joined on the very same day. It was August 19th. Now, on this website they take all the answers from questions and match them up with other individuals. I received an email from EHarmony with a picture of Christopher. Tall dark and very handsome! We were not allowed to speak to each other at first, only answer some questions that we both had developed. Within a few interactions they gave us the ability to email each other. It was like a light turned on. We had so much in common. By the third or fourth day we had a plan to go on a date that Sunday. During that week before the date ,we were joined at the phone via text and emails. I know this sounds crazy, but I felt so much, so strong, so soon!!!! I would watch the clock at work to get out of there just to speak on the phone with him. It was like I was 16 again!!!
Our date was on Sunday, August 26th. (We still celebrate that anniversary btw). He picked me up at my house. He was just as handsome as he portrayed. He gave me a gift that night. I cook book in which he wrote inside; ( Colleen, I thought of you when I saw this at Barnes and Noble. Let's try a few together, to learn about great food and wine parings and to learn about us and grow together. Chris PS: Tu est Tres Jolie.) Yes, I was blown away! Our relationship blossomed. I fell in love with that man at hello. Really!!
Now, I must say that mothers are very protective. My mother was convinced that he could be one of those crazy people on the internet. I tried to convince her that he was above board. lol. When she finally met him, it was crystal clear.
In early September Chris lost his father to lung cancer. It was a very difficult time for him. He spent time traveling back and fourth to Boston where is parents live.
We spent every waking hour together. One weekend he even took care of me when I was sick with a fever.
He gave such unconditional love. The strangest thing is I went to visit my parents in Florida shortly after and had that same fever. I did not put two and two together at that time. The fever came and went and I felt great once more! Within a couple of months from meeting each other, we had fallen in love and starting talking about the future (marriage). Two kids and each side. They got along well. It was all falling into place. I was in heaven!
I had an appointment in October with my Oncologist like I always do. I get blood drawn and sometimes get and chest xray or a cat scan depending on the time of year. I had blood drawn and chest xray and went on my marry way. I day later I receive a phone call at work. The oncologist's nurse is on the phone. " My lab work was fine but there is a small something on my left lung. It looks like an old infection site. " "We want you to see a lung specialist". My body went numb and the fear returned. The fear of the cancer returning was back! It is a fear like no other. I immediately began praying to God for everything to be fine. I hung up the phone and called Chris. I told him everything. He right away left work to head for my house. He got there before I did. I walked up the stairs and collapsed into his arms in tears. What am I going to do? I am only 43 years old. OMG, the cancer has gone to my lung! How can I survive this? He held me and calmed me. Assuring me that we knew nothing and it might be an infection. Let the prayers begin.
I met with the lung specialist and review the chest xray findings. Chris was right there by my side. In my left lower lobe of my lung was this perfect circle. Almost like I had inhaled a wedding band. The doctor thought that is was probably an old infection but would get a cat scan to confirm. The cat scan came out with the possibility of an infection with irritation of a lymph node next to it. He wanted to watch it. It had not changed in size so I went with it. I put it in the back of my mind and continue on with my life.
Christmas time was spent at my parents in Canton , Michigan. Chris had a chance to meet all the family. I have 5 brothers and sisters, so it was alot to take in. I think they fell in love with him also from hello! It was a wonderful time. I had met his family that Fall. He is from the Boston area. Our families were so much alike. Crazy, fun, loving and lots of children running around.
The new year came and we started making plans for the future. My birthday was coming up and he wanted to take me somewhere nice. It was suppose to be a surprise. The night before we left for the trip he told me that we were going back to Michigan to see my parents. He could see in my eyes that I was surprise considering we had just been there a few weeks prior. That morning we went to the airport and went to the gate. The New York City gate that is..........!!!!!! We were flying to NYC for my birthday. I was so excited!!!!!
I have to take my stepson somewhere. I will be back shortly. Take care
Well, welcome to my first post of hopefully many. My name is Colleen. I am a mother, wife, nurse and most of all cancer survivor a few times over. I have four children and we live in Houston. My husband Chris is my best friend and biggest fan! About five years ago, after having very few symptoms, I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. At that time I was not married to Chris. I was married to a Gastroenterologist believe it or not. We were quite taken back by this diagnosis. We did not have a strong marriage at that point. I had doubts about his faithfulness and thought through this we would grow closer. I started chemo and radiation immediately. I have always had a larger frame and wanted to lose weight. This was not the way to do it! Between weakness and running to the bathroom I lost 30 pounds throughout the treatment phase. My treatments consisted of chemo, radiation and a bowel resection. All of this took place within three months. After my surgery, I had another group of chemo. Boy, I was relieved to get that done!
In May of 2006 I started to rehabilitate. I went on a trip to soak up some sun. I was still weak but knew it would take time to become stronger. In July I started having some hip and knee joint pain. I remember speaking to my husband about it and he mentioned that maybe I had rheumatoid arthritis. During my moment of silence, I remember him looking at me like I was quite the burden. It was so hurtful to look into his eyes. I made an appointment with a rheumatologist and was diagnosis later with Lupus.
I was now living with Lupus and doing my follow up visits to make sure the cancer did not come back. I worked full time as a nurse and worried daily about my husbands obvious infidelity. In November of 2006 after many battles over his girlfriend, I was greeted with the news of my pending divorce. In hind sight it was God's way of getting that out of my life. Thank you God!
After my battles with him and lawyers, the divorce was made final in July of 2007. I was picking up the pieces of my life. My two children seemed to fair well. My son lived in Michigan and my daughter with me.
I continued with my follow up visits with my Oncologist. All test were coming out well. I gained back that 30 pounds I had lost with my treatment of course! I would workout by walking 3 miles about 4 times a week. I felt good physically but still had a long ways to go emotionally.
The next several months were a whirlwind!
Tomorrow I will tell you more about my 2007 experiences. It will make you laugh and cry!!
I have to go pick up my step-daughter from school now. Take care
In May of 2006 I started to rehabilitate. I went on a trip to soak up some sun. I was still weak but knew it would take time to become stronger. In July I started having some hip and knee joint pain. I remember speaking to my husband about it and he mentioned that maybe I had rheumatoid arthritis. During my moment of silence, I remember him looking at me like I was quite the burden. It was so hurtful to look into his eyes. I made an appointment with a rheumatologist and was diagnosis later with Lupus.
I was now living with Lupus and doing my follow up visits to make sure the cancer did not come back. I worked full time as a nurse and worried daily about my husbands obvious infidelity. In November of 2006 after many battles over his girlfriend, I was greeted with the news of my pending divorce. In hind sight it was God's way of getting that out of my life. Thank you God!
After my battles with him and lawyers, the divorce was made final in July of 2007. I was picking up the pieces of my life. My two children seemed to fair well. My son lived in Michigan and my daughter with me.
I continued with my follow up visits with my Oncologist. All test were coming out well. I gained back that 30 pounds I had lost with my treatment of course! I would workout by walking 3 miles about 4 times a week. I felt good physically but still had a long ways to go emotionally.
The next several months were a whirlwind!
Tomorrow I will tell you more about my 2007 experiences. It will make you laugh and cry!!
I have to go pick up my step-daughter from school now. Take care
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